apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
