I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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