we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
