Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
