She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
