I will die if light touches me.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
