i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
