I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
