dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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