I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
My dad just said "fuck circus"
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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