Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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