you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
