i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
