JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
