u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
