Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
