Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
