Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
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