I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
