just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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