I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
