The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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