Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
