The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
When did angry sex become our thing?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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