The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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