I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
