You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
