My underwear smells like fireworks.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
