I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
This is my gift to your gina
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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