i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
