Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
