Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
