i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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