I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
50% drunk capacity currently
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
