Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
