im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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