I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
