We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
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