Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
