my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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