my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
