u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
