I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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