sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
