i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
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