SEEEEXXX PLEASE
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
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