my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
