I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
