Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
