Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
As shirtless as possible
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
